did you miss me?

i rejoined weight watchers (online) yesterday and couldn't be happier... there's something to be said about being accountable for what goes into your mouth - i somehow forgot how important that was... i wanted to wait until after the holidays and until after our trip to pittsburgh because i knew there would be no immediate obstacles in my way... i printed-out all the necessary info yesterday from their website (filling foods, etc.) and will slowly learn the new momentum plan, even though it doesn't seem THAT different to me... i have, however, gone down a point since last time so i'm at 21 for the day - it will take some adjusting and getting used too, esp. on the weekends, but i know i can do it... i did it before and i will do it again... :)

after getting home from our holiday weekend (which was great, by the way - got a 6-quart crockpot and a new canon printer/scanner/copier), i decided to try on some pants... well, it didn't take long before i was staring at myself in the mirror, crying, and wondering what had happened and why i had let myself go... there is no ONE answer really - looking at the few weigh-ins from late last year, i was steadily gaining since i officially stopped WW in july... but sometime around october - things just downhill and i never looked back (i blame the annual report for screwing up my workout/eating habits!)... then it was the holidays and even though i've been good in the past - i just did not have it in me to do anything about it... i was ignoring my body and i was ignoring my health, but i didn't care because i wasn't ready... for me - it's always been more of an emotional thing than a physical thing... i can workout 5 days a week and track what i'm eating but if my heart/mind isn't into it - i will fall by the wayside in no time... i know for some though, it's easy to get back on the saddle as if nothing happened but for me - i need time to think, time to plan, and time to get my shit together...

i haven't set any major goals besides getting down to a comfortable weight again (low- to mid-150s) and will start off small by getting to the 5% weightloss mark... i don't know how long it will take me but i'm determined to do this and to do this right... even though i'm embarrassed to tell you how much i've gained, i feel it's something i must do so here's a quick snapshot:

lowest weight of '08 (4/16) --> 153
highest weight of '08 (10/8) --> 161.6
highest weight of '09 (1/7) --> 169

ugh, that is such an ugly weight (for me) but i still know that numbers are numbers... they do not and will not determine who i am as a person, that i do know... i have learned, however, that being accountable and taking care of oneself is so VERY VERY important so if you take anything from today's post - remember to love yourself every single day... there should always be one person, on the top of your priority list, and that's YOU... :)

happy thursday...