sorry that it's taken me this long to post anything - it's been a crazy week to say the least... i can't believe that around this time last sunday, i was about to give birth to deckard - it seems like an eternity and yet, sometimes it still feels like yesterday... i'm trying to take everything in, as best i can, and enjoy all these precious moments because i know he will grow-up fast and all this newness will be just a memory...
now to the birth story... it pretty much started on saturday morning when i woke up - was feeling kinda crampy, but nothing bad and they weren't consistent... i managed to get thru the rest of the day, did some last-minute stuff around the house, watched a movie with eric, and we went to bed around midnight... needless to say, i was pretty uncomfortable and was starving around 2:30 so i went to the kitchen and had myself a brown sugar and cinnamon poptart and glass of milk... i never went back to sleep because around 4:00, the cramps (which were really contractions, i just didn't know it) started to become more regular... imagine having the worst cramps of your life, times 10, coming every 8-10 minutes, and hurt more than anything you've ever experienced! wow! around 5:00, i woke-up eric and told him that he better take a shower while i called the doctor... he told me since i lived so close to the hospital, it would be best to stay home until the pain was around a 10 and the contractions lasted for 1 minute... i struggled thru the next hour, then took a shower, and got things ready - we were out the door at 6:30...
we got to the hospital and i was admitted rather quickly since i was up to 4-5cm, and i told them rightaway that i wanted an epidural... i was taken to a birthing room and made as comfortable as possible, even though nothing would help at that point... i can remember barely being able to concentrate on anything and just trying to get thru each contraction by breathing... when the doctor got there around 10:00, and i was up to 7cm and soon the anathesilogist came and began the epidural (yay for drugs!)... it wasn't the best experience and it was very hard to sit hunched over on the bed, while having contractions, and trying to relax so the guy could stick a needle in my spine... lets just say by the time meds started kicking-in, i was a much happier person...
by 3:00, i was up to 10cm so they decided it was time for me to start pushing... this continued for about 2.5 hours and though progress had been made, it was apparent that the baby's head was just not going to fit thru my pelvis... the doc said i had 2 options - continue to push, even though it probably wouldn't help, or have a cesarean... the baby wasn't in any danger and neither was i, but his head was starting to get swollen from trying to squeeze thru an area that wasn't made for him... i had a good cry on the hospital bed - i was so exhausted and disappointed that i wouldn't get to experience the joy of "giving" birth in the normal sense... i tried for another 1/2 hour and after still no progress, i gave the go-ahead and they began prepping me for surgery...
the next 1/2 hour flew by very quickly and i remember being wheeled into the OR around 7:00 and deckard was born around 7:16... i couldn't see anything or touch him, but eric was right there and was able to tell me that he was perfect... he cried and peed on the nurse (a good sign) and about 5 minutes later, they handed him to eric and i got to see my little, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, baby boy... perfect in every way and eyes wide-open... that had to be the most awesome moment of my life - nothing has or ever will come close...
the next few days in the hospital were trying, to say the least, i was in a great deal of pain and couldn't move much so eric did most of the first diaper changes... by day 2, i was able to have solid foods again and take a shower, and they wanted me up and moving around which was incredibly hard... it was hard to sleep since i was being checked-on every 2 hours, and both deckard and i were learning the breastfeeding ropes, which has been it's own struggle (but improves everyday)... the pediatrician gave him the thumbs-up on wednesday morning and my OB gave me the "all clear" as well (my white blood cell count had been pretty high the day before) so we were ready to go home... :)
today is the 4th full-day that we've been home - it has been the most trying, exhausting, and incredible experience having a baby... i still look at him when he's sleeping and wonder how he ever fit in my belly, and laugh every time he has the hiccups because he had them while i was pregnant... i can't stand it when he cries and want to hold him and comfort him - sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't... i haven't been the best at sleeping when he sleeps, but know i need to work on that so i don't run myself ragged...
eric has been incredible through everything - from the moment i said "i think i'm labor" to just now when i told him i found the binky that i had thought i'd lost and was in tears because i felt so stupid... he's been up with me during feedings, a champ a diaper changing, wonderful at singing him to sleep, and just overall an incredible husband and father which i knew he always would be... my mom has also been an incredible help and was here friday and saturday doing things around the house and spending time w/her first grandson - she is beyond thrilled and to see her hold him just melts my heart... :)
tomorrow we go back to the pediatrician and then who knows what the week will bring... i'm excited, scared, and just nervous with anticipation, but i guess this is normal new parent stuff, huh? who would've thought that after 39 years - i can finally say that i'm a mom and that my ultimate dream has finally come true...
i love you, deckard james weakland, with everyone ounce of my heart and soul...
xo
http://weaklandfamily.smugmug.com/
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