merci

two, simple words... thank you...

i am feeling better today, i have noticed that when i'm stressed at work - it seems to carry-thru to my emotional well-being as well... i have always been the type that feels the need to get things done, as soon as possible, to the utmost perfection when in reality - that doesn't always have to be... prime example: i had a major project to complete and even though i had planned on going to the gym today, i did not because i felt the need to finish things... things that could've waited for an hour and allowed me to feel normal again... but the day is over, 1 project is out the door, 2 will be done by the end of the week, and then i can breathe again...

adding to my stress was the fact that i was called back for a 2nd interview and after much thought and consideration, i turned them down... she had requested i work on a project, to see my design-skills in action, and the type of assignment she gave me made my skin crawl... call it my gut reaction, sixth sense, whatever - but i knew going any further would just not be in my best interest... ontop of this, i found out that once i'm fully vested in september, i will have a pretty good chunk of money in a def. contribution plan - that is mine and all mine... the responsible side of me said, "you would be stupid to give that up" so i'm going to stick it out... unless i win the lottery of course and then all bets are off... :o)

so tomorrow is march 1, leaving me 10 days til my birthday - i will be turning 36 and i can't tell you how much i DESPISE even numbers... so bland and boring, in my opinion... the only plans i have for now, is to quit smoking, and get back into a more healthy frame of mind... i may concentrate more on exercise right now, and then work my way back into the food thing - whether i continue with WW or not, i'm not sure yet... i already have my alarm set for 6am tomorrow and i'm going to do my new DVD that is a mix of rapid results pilates, and then gradually add different workouts into the mix... whether i do this everyday, i'm not sure, but its a start and i'm happy about that... and with that, i'll leave you with something that i read in 'the secret' today - it seemed to strike a chord in me, maybe it will in you too...

you have the power to change anything,
because you are the one who chooses your thoughts
and you are the one who feels your feelings.

happy hump day...

i've completely lost it

the last few days have been rough - not because of anything in particular but i'm feeling out of sorts again and i'm not sure why... physically, emotionally, personally - its all a blur right now and i'm lacking motivation big time... i keep saying i'm going to make a plan, and i don't... i keep saying that i'm back on track, but i blew it on saturday night when i was visiting friends... i keep saying i'm going to finish that damn 'you on a diet' book, and i haven't... what is wrong with me? i know i'm not depressed - i can tell when i'm going thru a funk and when i'm going thru true depression and its definitely not that... thank god... i know people have said when your exercise regime changes drastically that symptoms can mimic depression - so maybe thats it... plus don't get me started on the whole foot thing... *sigh*

i finally watched the oprah show from last week w/bob green - they will be following 6 people, over the next 9 months, recording their every move, all while following his best life diet... honestly, they looked like most tom, dick, and jane's off the street but they were classified as obese after having physical exams/tests... ms. oprah said, "this is what america looks like now" (60% of americans are considered overweight and/or obese)... anyway, even though she IS ms. preachy this year - i still got a few things out of the show and they were:

· be honest with yourself, lying will only hurt your progress
· you will never lose weight unless you are prepared to exercise
· get to the route of why you're overweight - its not just food

i can't tell you where my motivation has gone, or why, but i do know that i HAVE to find it and start doing something soon... i HAVE to put myself first or i will never see the progress that i want and deserve... i HAVE to make time to exercise, regardless of what's going on at work or home - its MY time and i need to make use of it... and i HAVE to be patient with my body as its still healing - though frustrating, i will be back on treadmill after march 20 and kicking some ass...

sorry for the not-so-happy post - we are here to support one another and if i'm going to be honest w/myself, you deserve the same... sometimes i feel like i have no right to bitch and complain about stuff when others are suffering w/much greater pains, but this is cathartic for me and in a way - making me accountable...

happy tuesday...

p.s. eric's dad continues to improve though the road ahead is still very long... he has been moved into a regular room now, been eating regular food, and doing physical therapy... eric said they are in the process of finding a rehabilitation center in pittsburgh and that his dad could be moved home as early as the weekend... i have missed him dearly and i've enjoyed having norman here with max and i (except at 4am when they're both hungry)...

back on the saddle

first the good news - eric's father is doing much better, thank you for all the kind wishes... the swelling has gone down in his brain and even though surgery to undo the blockage is eminent in 6-8 weeks, they say he may be well enough to back to p'burgh in a week or so... eric's brother said he was able to feed himself breakfast and play w/his new cellphone so that's definitely a sign of improvement! eric is flying down tomorrow and will be w/his mom til next thursday, stupid me didn't even ask if he wanted me to go but when i asked him later, he said he'd be okay... he does know that if he needs me, i will be there... though eric's dad not out of the woods yet, at least there's some light now and we're so very thankful... :o)

second good news - i did the precor for 30 mins today and it didn't seem to bother my foot at all... i alternated forward/backward and ironically, my left foot is now hurting worse than before... i'm hoping its because i'm putting more pressure on it (to relieve stress on my right foot) but i know down the road, surgery will be needed for that too.. i just hope i can put it off for another 6-12 months... waahhhhhh...

since eric will be away this weekend, i will have some free time on sat night and sunday - it will be weird not hanging out w/him since that's the usual weekend-thing but i'll manage... the only plans i have right now are getting my haircut tomorrow and hanging out w/my mom for a bit, we may hit the mall and grab some lunch... on sunday, they say it might snow so i'm going to make a fire, hangout w/the kitties, read, and watch the oscars... oprah's special was pretty good last night - i was never a big fan of george clooney but he is pretty funny - julia roberts, on the otherhand, has got a mouthfull of teeth... :o)

i hope you all have a great weekend...

weigh-in

01/17: 161.0
02/22: 165.6

believe it or not, i'm THRILLED w/having only gained 4.6 pounds since my surgery and considering i've done minimal cardio (stationary bike) and a few days of weights - i can totally deal with it... i am back to counting points today and will slowly get back into a normal, workout routine - my coworker brought in her 'yoga booty' DVD but i'm not sure how much i'll be able to do... i may try the eliptical backwards and see how that feels but if not, i will stick to the bike until my next check-up (march 27) and take it one day at a time...

on a sad note, eric's father had a stroke on tuesday - he's doing as well as can be expected but he's not out of the woods yet... it was the result of the loosening of a slab of plak in the lining of the carotid artery, which created a 90% blockage, and until his brain stops swelling - there's not much they can do besides wait and see... eric may go down to florida (they stay there during the winter) and help-out so please say a prayer for him...

i received the 'secret' book today - has anyone read it? i thought the show on oprah was pretty good so i was curious to see what it was about... i'm also taping her show today, wonder what bob green has up his sleeve this time... and i'll be watching the oscar special tonight, i just love russell crowe so i'm pretty excited... well, not THAT excited...

happy thursday...

i am whole again

today was my appt. with the foot doctor and instead of hearing "let's keep them in a bit longer" like i was expecting - he told me, "its been 5 weeks, your toes look nice and straight so lets get these things out"... i was so happy, i didn't even care that it hurt when he pulled them out (he said it wouldn't, HA!) and of course i asked when i can start exercising again... his reply was that i should wait a good 2 months before i do any treadmill work but now i'm wondering if the eliptical counts... either way, i can wear normal shoes again AND take a shower so its been a great day... :o)

on the not-so-great news, i have been eating like crap - going to my sister's is always hard because there is food galore (and thanks mom, for making a cornflake wreath, ugh!)... it also snowed over 14" while we were there so there wasn't much to do besides hang-out, read some magazines, and watch tv... my niece helped me organize some drawers in their kitchen and i also put together this cute shelf with cubbies that i got for her bday...

i also stopped by to see my dad twice - he's doing much better than when i saw him in january but now his head leans to one side... we tried to play the game connect four but he had trouble focusing and had trouble getting the coins in the right slot (we used to play that when i was little, along with UNO and boggle)... i try and keep a positive outlook but seeing him is so difficult sometimes esp. when there's nothing i can do to make it better...

not much else is going on... i'm trying to get thru 'you on a diet' but can't seem to focus for some reason - maybe its all the science-talk that bores me... i have felt so out of sorts lately and really need a gameplan so i can get back on track... so many of you are totally kicking-ass w/weightloss and i think that's awesome - you are my heros... i need to find my mojo again so that's my goal for the week... i was even back to counting points today but then stopped at trader joe's on the way home for a few things and couldn't pass up their 3-cheese pizza... one of these days i'll learn...

happy tuesday...

i'm free... i'm FREE...

eric, being the wonderful boyfriend that he is, came over last night and dug my car out of the ice and snow... thanks to the snowplow, i had a 2 foot wall of solid ice keeping me from leaving so he used his trusty digging bar to breakup the chunks and we were good to go in about 30 minutes... it was VERY cold and my toes were frozen when were done but my car was free and that's all that mattered... i treated him to dinner at our favorite thai place - warm tea and green curry does the trick every time! :o)

a coworker of mine came to tell me that she just bought a bunch of videos off this website and after a few weeks of doing some toning exercises, her pants are much looser... i have been slacking ladies and haven't done pilates in over 2 weeks and am sick of the stationary bike, even though that's all i can do right now... i know i should get up early and do SOMEthing but its cold and its dark and i hate it - if it was lighter outside and warmer, it would be easy to get up, go for a walk, and be done with it... have you noticed how good i am at making excuses? blech...

i know i should stop worrying and just wait til my foot is okay but its beginning to bug me... every morning i wonder if my pants are going to be too tight (so far so good) but there's not much i can do... i sort of feel helpless and yea, i've been doing my weights which is great but i can't believe i'm saying this - I MISS CARDIO and the feeling i have when i'm done w/a workout... this "i can't exercise so why bother watching what i'm eating" mentality is scary and i don't like it because its too easy to just let things go... i know i'm just freaking out and when things are back to normal, i'll be better but i just had to admit that i haven't been perfect as some of you may thought (sorry!)... there's an article in the weekend section today about area bootcamps, maybe i should try one of those (esp. since i didn't signup for pilates) - classes are 3/week for an hour from 6-7am... or maybe i just need a vacation... :o)

my weekend will be spent w/my mom and we're heading to my sister's for the extra long holiday weekend... i haven't seen my dad since january so i'm anxious to see him and see how he's doing, and also to see my nieces and all the animals (1 dog, 4 cats, and 1 hamster)... she said they may have snow but that's nothing new - they get snow all the time up until april which is crazy... eric will be watching max for me so he'll have fun w/the kitties and can watch all the battlestar galatica he wants (he's become a huge fan)...

have a great weekend...

p.s. thank-you for all the wonderful valentine's day comments... :o)

do you know what day it is?

per hilly, i am taking part in 'learning to love me!' day... yes, i have a boyfriend but i also know how important it is to love yourself, take care of yourself, and treat yourself right... i spent many-a-years catering to other people's needs and wants, and left mine in the dust but i'm past that now and am not ashamed to say "i love myself"... granted, i still enjoy taking care of others and once in a while spoiling someone but its all good... ;o)

if i had to post one thing that i like about myself, that would be my sense of humor... thanks to my dad, i have always been a funny person and i've learned to not take things so seriously... i'm not the best joke-teller either because i'm blonde and can't remember the punchlines... life is too short to be sad or angry - so surround yourself with funny people, or watch a funny tv shows or movie, or read a funny book - just do it and you'll feel better... plus, when you laugh - its contagious and what's better than a bunch of smiling people... :o)

now, what do you like about moi?

ok, who made the valentine's day cookies?

here is the dress my girlfriend picked for her bridesmaids - i'm not sure how i feel about it since i wasn't there to try it on and have no idea how its going to fit me... the color is 'wine' and its also the same material as her dress so i'm guessing that's why she went w/something a bit more flowy - and strapless! holy moly, good thing they're going to put straps on this dress cus i have nothing to hold it up... and i will definitely have to lose at least 10-15 more pounds if i want to look svelt in this thing by august... :o)

and speaking of svelt, i certainly didn't feel that way on saturday - eric and i totally overdid the dinner thing (so much for being healthy)... i had crab dip w/warm sourdough bread, ribs w/green beans and smashed potatoes, AND an apple dumpling for dessert... oh, and two glasses of wine beforehand... we haven't eaten like that in a long time and have no plans on doing that again anytime soon... the movie 'pan's labyrinth' was really really good so i highly recommend it, if you're into dark, adult-fairytale type stories...

other than making ourselves sick, my weekend was pretty lowkey... we did the usual catch-up on all the weekly shows as well as watched alien resurrection and that's about it... i had to do a spay/neuter flyer for my sister (she's president of her local humane society) and i'll also be helping my mom this week with some work (sucks to be the designer in the family sometimes)...

attention all oprah fans: in her march issue, there's an article about blogging for weightloss... i haven't read it yet but was watching renee's video post last night and she mentioned being in it, how cool is that??!? we're finally getting noticed out there so keep up the great work... :o)

AND its snowing right now, can't wait for the commute home - its going to be so much fun... maybe they'll let us go home early, at least those that rely on public transportation (one can dream, right?)... :-p

happy tuesday...

everybody's working for the weekend

its friday and i'm so happy because that means this boring-ass week is over... i had a few things to work on today but still not enough to keep me busy so i did a lot of blog-reading... the interview went well (thanks for all the well-wishes) but then again i always say that - i'm just not sure how much of a move it would be for me... do i want to move into another senior position OR should i be striving for something higher, like creative or art director - i'm just not sure... i think i would get along w/the creative director, she seemed a bit odd so that's usually a good sign, but am bummed that i would move into a cubicle (i know it seems silly but i've always had an office)... anyway, they're going to hold 2nd interviews so we'll see if i get called back in the next week or so...

since there's only one recumbant bike at the gym, today i put my towel and some magazines on the seat before i changed into my workout clothes... when i came back out, some guy had thrown them on the floor and was biking away... i was like, "um, i had that saved since i can't use the other machines" and he grumbled and mumbled something about how he waited and waited for someone to come.. whatever, get your ass off my machine - that's all i got for the next two weeks so you can kiss my ass! :o)

eric and will be doing dinner/movie tomorrow night - our choices are 'pan's labyrinth' and 'children of men'... has anyone seen either of these? just curious... we may also try redrock canyon grill since they are on the restaurant week list and we can get a nice meal for $30 - i'll let you know what i think... i checked out their menu online and there were a few things that looked healthy so i'm keeping my fingers crossed...

i hope you all have a great weekend... TGIF!

feeling almost normal

i have an interview after work today so i'm wearing shoes on both feet - i have a pair of clarks boots that are a bit large so i was happy when it fit and didn't hurt... i probably won't do it again though, i'm sure there's a reason why i need to wear a flat shoe but for today - i'm taking a chance... this place contacted me right before i had surgery and i had a phone interview before my last day in the office... since didn't hear anything for a while, i sent them an email saying 'hey, how are things going' and they requested that i come in - yee haa... i feel incredibly guilty for telling my boss a lie so i can leave early but its only and hour so it shouldn't be obvious - at least i hope not... work has slowed down a lot for me and the big projects that i had last year, are now being worked on by my boss and coworker this year... leaving me with little projects here and there but not enough to keep me busy and/or challenged... who knows what will happen but i'm kinda excited...

the 'declutter' show on oprah yesterday was interesting... granted i don't have a large family, i still learned that its important to only keep things you use and need - everything else should be sold or donated... this woman said she bought her 4 daughters clothes to show them how much she loved them - and when they brought everything outside, their front yard was covered - literally... he showed this other woman how to get rid of clothes in her closet - have them all face the same way and when you wear something, turn it the other way... after 6-12 months, whatever hasn't been turned around should be taken out - pretty cool huh... anyway, we'll see what 'the secret' is all about on today's show...

i'm doing well with food and exercise - been to the gym everyday this week so i'm happy about that... i baked chicken fingers last night w/panko breadcrumbs and had that over some lettuce with my lemon/shallot dressing... mmm mmm, talk about tasty...

i'm glad the week is almost over even though i don't have any plans for the weekend... i told eric we haven't had 'date' night since november so its his turn to think of something - maybe we'll combine that and valentine's day... note: need to go to target tonight and get cards and toilet paper - nothing else!

happy thursday...

tidbit tuesday

time to share some interesting tidbits i've found over the past few days - enjoy...

- on oprah this week: this is the year to declutter your life (weds) and the secret (thurs)

- the producers of SUPERNANNY are seeking overweight men & women for a new major network TV show

- nutritious junk discusses all sorts of healthy stuff

- interesting article: is your job making you fat?

- download barilla's the celebrity pasta lovers' cookbook for free

- and just in case you've been living under a rock, don't forget LOST comes back tomorrow night (but an hour later)

i am back to counting points again and have to say, while i'm finding it hard to get back into the swing of things - it feels good to see how well i'm eating... or how well i'm NOT eating rather, i had to throw away some mini-oreos that i opened on sunday because otherwise i'd keep eating them and that's bad... even though i'm exercising again, i'm not 100% so i really need to be careful about my points and what i'm spending them on... i'm also trying to not obsess about food but its hard since i'm always thinking about my next meal and how many points its going to be (and we wonder why people get tired of counting!)... i'm going to stick with it though because i need too and i really don't want to see a huge gain after these pins come out...

happy tuesday...

freezing my a** off

today was my first cardio workout in almost 3 weeks, i managed the seated bike pretty well (strap was adjustable so it fit over my special shoe) but after 30 mins - i thought i shouldn't push things more than necessary and stopped... i will do weights and pilates on tues/thurs and for now, that's good enough... oh, how i look forward to the day when i walk on the treadmill again...

i was reading the newest issue of 'fitness' and they had a short article written by someone they followed over a year and tracked her progress... she had gained some weight back and she discussed how at times when she felt like giving up, she would put that same sort of thought towards her job and her family... i.e. would you quit your job because it was hard? or would you stop taking care of your children because you just weren't in the mood that day? pushing ourselves will always require work - some days more than others - and giving up on fitness and taking care of ourselves shouldn't be an option either... i admire those of you that do it day in and day out, regardless of how you feel or what's going on - that's where i want to be when i'm back on my (two) feet again...

weekend was okay, pretty quiet, and lowkey actually... eric and i caught-up on a lot of tv shows and watched the 3rd alien movie - just have #4 to go and then we'll be done (next comes the 5 supplement disks)... we also watched 'talladega nights' which i thought was okay (and yes, i'm a secret fan of nascar)... i left his house after the first half of the superbowl was over and caught the rest at my place - i'm glad the colts won but i felt so sorry for the bears quarterback... and i wasn't impressed w/the commercials this year, anyone else feel the same way?

happy monday...

what happened to the snow?

i'm happy its friday because that means my boss will be back on monday and the other designer and i won't be so busy w/projects... today has been relatively quiet so i'm thankful and hope to even skip out a bit early as well... i'm having dinner w/two girlfriends tonight so that should be fun and then i'll head to eric's for the weekend... he's having 'video game' night w/the boys so i'll have the house to myself which gives me a chance to watch last week's rome episode... he also downloaded the first season for me so i'll have to make time for that in my busy schedule - hahaha, just kidding, i'm never busy...

i woke up this morning and felt the results of my workout yesterday - my arms (esp. my forearms) are extremely sore... kinda cool... :o)

my book came today so i'm anxious to start reading it... i also got rachael ray's march issue yesterday so that's also on my 'need to read' list...

my toes are healing as well as can be expected - i'm not supposed to get them wet (meaning i can't take a shower) but i did gently scrub the incision's last night... then i covered them w/some vitamin E gel - its supposed to be good for healing scars...

did anyone catch sarah silverman's new show on comedy central last night? it was kinda funny but very bizarre at the same time - might have to watch next week and then see what i think...

hope you guys have a great weekend...

back to normal

i went back to the gym today, first time in almost 2 weeks, and it felt great... i also started a new weight routine so its nice to have something different compared to what i was doing before... i got on the scale (why i don't know) and hope what i saw was NOT true - i can't imagine i've gained that much weight in two weeks... then again, if i had - i shouldn't be surprised but think my clothes would be much tighter and they aren't... i really need to get back to counting points, i've been watching what i'm eating but i haven't been accountable and i know that can get me in trouble...so i will start again monday and yea i know, i should start tomorrow but its friday, c'mon... :o)

i would like to take this opportunity and congratulate pastaqueen for getting a book deal... for those of you not familiar w/her blog, check it out - her goal is to lose HALF her weight and she's only 30 pounds away... how exciting!

another tidbit of info - tomorrow is national wear red day so show your support for the fight against heart disease and wear something red...

happy thursday...