i've completely lost it

the last few days have been rough - not because of anything in particular but i'm feeling out of sorts again and i'm not sure why... physically, emotionally, personally - its all a blur right now and i'm lacking motivation big time... i keep saying i'm going to make a plan, and i don't... i keep saying that i'm back on track, but i blew it on saturday night when i was visiting friends... i keep saying i'm going to finish that damn 'you on a diet' book, and i haven't... what is wrong with me? i know i'm not depressed - i can tell when i'm going thru a funk and when i'm going thru true depression and its definitely not that... thank god... i know people have said when your exercise regime changes drastically that symptoms can mimic depression - so maybe thats it... plus don't get me started on the whole foot thing... *sigh*

i finally watched the oprah show from last week w/bob green - they will be following 6 people, over the next 9 months, recording their every move, all while following his best life diet... honestly, they looked like most tom, dick, and jane's off the street but they were classified as obese after having physical exams/tests... ms. oprah said, "this is what america looks like now" (60% of americans are considered overweight and/or obese)... anyway, even though she IS ms. preachy this year - i still got a few things out of the show and they were:

· be honest with yourself, lying will only hurt your progress
· you will never lose weight unless you are prepared to exercise
· get to the route of why you're overweight - its not just food

i can't tell you where my motivation has gone, or why, but i do know that i HAVE to find it and start doing something soon... i HAVE to put myself first or i will never see the progress that i want and deserve... i HAVE to make time to exercise, regardless of what's going on at work or home - its MY time and i need to make use of it... and i HAVE to be patient with my body as its still healing - though frustrating, i will be back on treadmill after march 20 and kicking some ass...

sorry for the not-so-happy post - we are here to support one another and if i'm going to be honest w/myself, you deserve the same... sometimes i feel like i have no right to bitch and complain about stuff when others are suffering w/much greater pains, but this is cathartic for me and in a way - making me accountable...

happy tuesday...

p.s. eric's dad continues to improve though the road ahead is still very long... he has been moved into a regular room now, been eating regular food, and doing physical therapy... eric said they are in the process of finding a rehabilitation center in pittsburgh and that his dad could be moved home as early as the weekend... i have missed him dearly and i've enjoyed having norman here with max and i (except at 4am when they're both hungry)...

Jeni  – (11:28 PM)  

Hey there. It sounds like you're having a hard time, and I know how hard it can be to get out of those funks. It's like you can't find your mojo, right? I heard this on another blog today and I think it might work for you - fake it till you make it. It's always hard to get back on track, but take it one day at a time and you can do this! I promise! :)

Vickie  – (6:10 AM)  

I always have a BIG let down feeling after something major is finished. It doesn't matter if it was a good something, a busy something, a bad something - still that let down feeling when things return to "normal" - kind of like when returning home after vacation or a week at Grandma's as a kid.

You've come a long way baby!  – (9:17 AM)  

I'm having the same issues as you. I had surgery on my foot back in August, and not being able to exercise put me into a downward spiral...or maybe I should say an upward spiral since I have gained 26 pounds since then. Even once I got the okay to exercise, I couldn't find the motivation I had prior to the surgery. This has been a very gray winter for me and I am trying to get back on track. I like Jeni's advise to "fake it till you make it". I might try that one too. Chin up...you can do it! :)

Sonya  – (10:34 AM)  

Firstly - you aren't alone in how you're feeling! Going through these funks is totally normal. My goodness, I can't count the number I've gone through recently.

As for motivation - I find that it comes back to me when I'm least looking for it. When I *try* to find it, it never works.

For now, try relaxing, and doing things for yourself. A long walk with some music, a good book and a glass of wine or a cup of tea, a bubble bath...and when you're in a relaxed state, you'll be more reflective, and I'll bet that your motivation will appear out of nowhere.

Give yourself a wee break - it'll pay off in the long run.:-) You can do it!

Sizzle  – (10:37 AM)  

i'm sorry you feel stuck. i've been there and no matter how hard i pushed, it really just took a series of things- external and internal- to come into alignment for me to regain my momentum. you are healing and your body needs time. take it easy because it WILL come.

oprah. ugh! though i shouldn't cast stones. she and bob greene are the reason i lost weight ten years ago.

Dee  – (11:22 AM)  

Bitch all you want....this is definately the place to do it!! Maybe getting it all out will help you. I hope you get back to feeling normal soon.

k  – (1:29 PM)  

I'm really sorry that you are struggling right now. You are right, your body needs time to heal. I know I'm not on plan because every part of my body hurts and I just don't want to worry about something else right now. It's an excuse, but it's also a coping mechanism and what I need to get through this. You are doing the exercise that your doctor has allowed and you will be kickn' treadmill A, very soon.

Hang in there and I'm glad that Eric's father is doing a little better.

Amuldoon  – (1:49 PM)  

You know what? I could have wrote that post this morning.

I'm am SOOO out of whack right now its crazy. I keep telling myself its the month of February.

Good thing March starts tomorrow!

TrixieBelden  – (4:36 PM)  

Hey, you have every right to vent - let it out, that's what we're here for! :)

Anonymous –   – (4:40 PM)  

Dayunnnmn Gina....I totally know where you are coming from. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me either but I am going through it too.

iportion  – (5:15 PM)  

I hope you feel better soon.

metamorphose  – (5:28 PM)  

I have to say I totally relate to this post right now. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. This too shall pass. It's been snowing a lot here lately, and it hurts my heart and I want to crawl into bed and die. But soon the sun will shine and the snow will melt...and it'll be Spring!

And from the other comments left here, at least you know you're not alone...and that's something.

Don't feel bad for venting though. That's what blogs are for. :)

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